So What if I'm Not Crawling Yet!!!

Do we push our children into a mindset of failure?

 

Schedule, schedule, schedule! If we do not keep our baby's developmental milestones on a strict schedule, provided by doctors, they are deigned as having abnormal development.

I pushed my oldest daughter for months and months trying to get her to crawl. She never ended up crawling. She bounced on her butt to wherever her little heart desired, and then at 11 months she did sort of a "crab scoot" pulling one le g behind. This was as close to crawling as we were going to get. People saw this and automatically assumed that there was something wrong with her, or her legs, or thighs. I realized then, that it was just her spunky way of getting around. She went from crab scoot at 11 months to walking at 12 months.

My second, my little head-strong, fearless, adventure boy, I also pushed to crawl early. At five months, I got him up on his hands and knees, practicing crawling by pushing him forward. We did this for a few months. He seemed more interested in doing "push-ups" then getting around anywhere. He finally crawled around nine or ten months. Then walked around 13 or 14 months.

I look back now, and do not understand what all my rush was for? They achieved their milestones when they wanted to, not when I pushed. Pushing only served to stress us out. The time spent with them was the same whether they crawled or not. In other areas later on they developed just fine regardless of when they first started to get around, or how they got around. They were so young that I don't know if they felt any anxiety to succeed because of my pushing, or my desire to stay on track, but I sure do not feel good about wasting so much time on those things, when I could have been enjoying them in other ways. I should have been exploring and putting more effort into the things they enjoyed. Could I have saved us some time and tension by letting them reach their goals when they were ready?

My third, and last, was babied from the beginning. We knew that she was the last baby, so we wanted to hold onto every second of her perfect, innocent, baby-ness. She was held a lot. She seemed more interested in watching people, especially me. That was okay, because to me, there is nothing better than gazing down into those wide, trusting, loving eyes that say, "I belong to you, I feel safe with you, I know you are my mommy." Babies may not inherently know how to love, but they sure can make you feel loved when they look up at you, like you are their whole world.

She did not learn to crawl until she was 13 months old. She did however bounce and scoot places on her butt when she was eleven months, but no crawling. Then at 13 months, we sat her down, and as if by some miracle, she got up on her hands and knees and took off crawling without any effort, or needing any "educating" in the matter! I was AMAZED! What took months to do with my first two, took only minutes to do with her.

The previous month, I had taken her in for her first year check up, and because she did not fit the "perfect" developmental schedule, crawling, doctors and health professionals were concerned that she was not developing correctly. Never mind you that she had excellent, advanced fine motor skills. She had perfect finger dexterity at four months  and could use the pincer grasp to pick up minute objects with just her thumb and forefinger (normal development for the thumb-finger pincer grasp is between eight and twelve months). Her communication skills were also advanced for her age. At seven months she could say words as well as comprehend the meaning (a skill left to a twelve-month-old). Some of those words were, Kitty, which she would point and say kitty every time the cat walked into the room, Momma, Daddy, uh oh (she loved the uh oh game), and no. Many times, I found myself doing something to her disliking, and she would shrilly shriek, "NO NO NO NO," all while shaking her head no. She also learned the sign language sign for milk, which she happily expressed to me whenever she wanted to nurse.

What did the doctors say?

They told me to put her down and force her to practice, no matter how much she screamed. It was good for her they said. They checked her muscle tone in her legs and told me that if she was not crawling by 15 months she would need to have tests done.  She was advanced in so many areas, that this time I did not let myself get worried or stressed with the rush rush attitude, and urging of the doctors. I shook off what the doctors said, and knew that she was perfect, and when ready would move on her own (actually, she already was moving, she was bouncing!).

A friend of mine, Peter, said something wise to me that helped me not stress over the doctor's obsession. "Let's face it have you ever heard a mom say, 'my kid didn't crawl by (insert arbitrary date) and now the doctor says he is stunted for life!' Despite our culture's obsession with everyone progressing at the same pace as everyone else, kids are different, and their environments are different, and they develop at different paces." If she does not crawl by 15 months, so what. It does not mean that she is not going to eventually. It does not mean that she is not going to grow up, or miss something important in life. Why do we trap ourselves in these invisible boxes? We doom ourselves to a life of repeated failure in doing so. We inadvertently instill these same thoughts in our children who unknowingly carry on the obsession.

So, are we pushing our children into a mindset of failure by ignoring their needs, desires, and personal agendas, just to meet a deadline or schedule? Maybe we should start peacefully parenting and watch for our children's signs. They sometimes teach us, instead of us teaching them. I had waited until my youngest was ready to move on her own, and when she did, she astounded me with the ease and ability she had. I don't think I will be rushing her, or any of my other children into the "next stage" any time soon. I will let them guide and direct.